Everyone poops
by Felinis
Summary: Jude realizes he's going to have teach Milla how to use the restroom


There is a lot about the human experience that you don't tend to think about once you age. One of them being the nature of experiencing things like hunger or the annoyance that is going to the restroom. You don't think about how you fall asleep or that being sick is interesting. There is a lot that when you stop and think about it is just an expected part of being human. Milla Maxwell despite her form though was not and never had been fully human.

And that was why Jude was discreetly taking down bedsheets and claiming that his friend just happened to have an accident. It's rare but sometimes grown adults wet the bed, actually she wet the floor, but he felt that soaking urine in the shits left her with more dignity, and it's mean to think badly about them. Jude has certainly helped a fair amount of people who have overactive bladders and have had accidents. There really is no shame in it. However, this was a different sort of case.

"You've never gone to the restroom before?" Jude was finding that a little hard to process. Everyone poops, but then again Milla had also never eaten until a few hours ago so this made sense. Now they were all sitting around an inn room with Milla wearing his pants while hers were in the wash. Why couldn't Alvin be the one to lend them? It's embarrassing to just be in his boxers.

"The four made sure my body had all the sustenance it would need so there was never any waste produced. For all extensive purposes that was probably the first time my bladder performed any such task." Even if Jude didn't have first-hand proof of Milla's title the way she talked alone made her seem beyond human.

"I see," Either way she can't really do this journey if she doesn't have any control over her bladder. If it's so inexperienced- jeez, never thought he'd have to potty train a twenty-year-old.

"So you really don't know how to take a crap?" Alvin just threw out there without any tact.

A nod, "That is correct. I'm afraid that while I read books on the subject, I have never experienced the physiological sensations myself."

How is going to teach her this? Jude's never really taken the time to think about anything like what needing to do to the bathroom felt like. He's never thought about the sensation of bladders contracting or intestines churning. It's something he figured out as a toddler Milla on the other hand…

"I'll teach you how to keep track of that."

Alvin snickered in his corner, "Wow, Jude not only to bondage but also scat. Pretty intense."

Ugh. "Don't be gross," he blanched in absolute disgust.

Milla crossed her arms in contemplation. "I read briefly about scat but I'm afraid I didn't get the whole understanding of the appeal and nature of it. What is your take on it?"

"It's disgusting and I don't think you should read or talk about it," he said.

"I mean… it's really not for me but somebody's gonna be into it no matter how weird."

"Interesting. Well, I look forward to you teaching me the nature of restrooms." Her smile was far more charming than it had any right to be. He'll have to figure out what to do.

"Until you figure it out for yourself just tell me anything you might feel."

Thank you. I appreciate it."

Alvin was giving such a shit eating grin. "How sensual." Jude subtly gave him the finger.

He's going to help a grown woman learn to use the toilet and take her back home so they can rescue the great spirits. God, his life has gotten very weird in the past twenty-four hours. But, seeing Milla smile at him and knowing he can help someone greater than him fulfill a grand destiny is amazing. He's just going to have to also teach her some of the little basics about being human.

Starting with the great little thing of everyone using the restroom.

"Here, let me take you to the toilet. We'll practice sort of."

"Oh, how fun!" Milla strode over into the restroom and Jude did his best to ignore Alvin entirely. This completely fine and medical. Nothing more nothing less. "So how do I do it! I'm eager."

He tried to hide his amusement as Milla leaned on the toilet with excitement. "Well, best to take off your pants first."

"Oh, you're right!"

He doesn't look obviously. He just sort of stands to side awkwardly explain what going poop should feel like. It's far harder than it should be but at least Milla seems to get somewhat of a grip on it at in terms of the basics. Well, she didn't actually use the restroom but hopefully she figures it out. Honestly, helping the Lord of Spirits go to the restroom is not something he's looking forward to.

Yes, he's helped elderly people, and people with catheters, and many-many more but this is different. She's perfectly healthy and Alvin keeps snickering like a little kid.

She has another accident and describes to Jude what specifically what she had felt when she woke up that morning and he makes her promise to go to the restroom the moment that happens. "That's your bladder telling you it's full and needs to be emptied out."

After that Milla keeps stopping every now and then to look down at her stomach before running to the restroom. She shakes her head a few times in defeat before telling him that she made it and he's weirdly proud. "That's great. Keep it up and you'll get used to your bodies patterns."

"This is so fun. Somewhat tedious and annoying but I'm enjoying learning about this. I can't wait to see if I have an estrous cycle."

Jude blinked looking over the clearly well-developed female figure that was Milla. "You don't know?"

"I never bothered asking the Four if that was something they kept in check so I never really thought about if I actually had one. I'm excited to find out how much I bleed. It sounds absolutely exhilarating! I can't wait."

"Milla you are amazing." Alvin howled.


End file.
